Resolutions

I don't really make resolutions, but I think the act of resolution-planning has some value. What kinds of things do I want to change about myself? What goals would I like to pursue? How can I prevent myself from stagnating in a rut? Although many of my personal aspirations have not changed, I think that I need to review some of my professional desires, especially since this is my last year of residency.

I will read more this year. Studying is a strange beast. For much of our education, we study and study and study. We labor and toil away in the bowels of the library, memorizing obscure facts and figures. Then as residency really picks up momentum, we realize that our training is experiential. We have enough knowledge to get us off the ground, and now becoming a doctor is really case-based learning, seeing patients, treating diseases, making decisions, acting. But now I'm realizing that as the things I do on a day-to-day basis become easy and routine, my book knowledge has lagged behind. There are rare diseases I have not seen and may never see, but I need to know about them, and reading is the solution. I make decisions based on what my mentors do, but I don't know the scientific evidence behind it; that's when I need to pick up the journal or paper. There are connections in medicine waiting to be made, and studying will help me better appreciate the big picture. Especially as I have board examinations coming up, studying will be a big goal for me this year.

I will become more independent this year. When we start residency, we are shielded by the guardian oversight of our mentors. We start to carve out bigger and bigger spheres of confidence and independence, occasionally making mistakes, having things corrected, and learning from them. But in anticipation of making that first leap alone, I have to work on independent thinking, decision-making, risk-taking, and rescuing myself out of trouble. It's a scary prospect but a necessary one as soon I will no longer have a friendly attending checking my every decision.

I will focus on the whole patient experience. It is one thing to be proficient at procedures, a whiz at decision-making, a crafter of perfect anesthetics, and the one everyone wants at an emergency, and it is another thing to have bedside manner. Although I want to be technically awesome, this year I will also work on being the doctor that patients want to see, the understanding face that calms, reassures, teaches, answers, and bonds with honesty, integrity, and confidence. When easing a patient through a tough surgery or hospital stay, I want to address psychological and emotional as well as physical well-being. This sort of learning, I think, happens best with experience, self-awareness, and the right role models.