Reprise

What's it like to do the same rotation again? The ICU was my first rotation, and now it's my second-to-last rotation. I remember walking into the unit all bright eyed and bushy tailed, eager to learn, naive, and receptive. I was only starting to synthetize things, to problem solve, to fully understand the enterprise I was entering. The "complex" patients in the ICU were assigned to the residents; the "simple, straightforward" patients were doled out to interns. And I began to learn the structure and system in which we work. I was scared at night; I asked for help a lot; I was timid, and I tiptoed. I wrote down copious notes during lectures. My presentations overflowed with the extraneous. I looked for confidence, tried to make assertive statements.

Now, not even a year later, things have changed. Some are good - I feel more comfortable calling some shots, I have a better gauge on when to ask for help, I am a little more daring, I know what to watch for. Patients are distributed equally in the ICU, and even the most daunting cases I feel like I can broach. I know the names of the nurses and respiratory therapists and clerks. I know how to find the medicine ward teams, I know how to navigate the system. But other things are more disappointing: my thirst for learning is dampened, listening to lectures becomes very passive, and I'm not as energetic anymore. I'm sure part of that is the weight of intern year settling. And I hope that changes in a month when I start anesthesiology.