How?

This is the last of these touchy-feely graduation posts. How did I feel the night before commencement? How did I feel the day of? To be honest, neither day was flooded with emotion. The night before, I had a moment of anticipation, a touch of anxiety, a paradoxical "I-knew-this-was-coming-yet-I-can't-believe-it's-here." I was excited, yet it was not uncontrollable giddiness, merely a subtle undercurrent in the things I did. I don't think the realization that I was graduating really hit me until later. The next day, I was overwhelmed with to-dos: getting things ready, making sure I had directions, taking pictures with friends, teaching my parents how to hood me. I tucked away my feelings, and at the beginning of that day, emotion trailed me. I felt a little disbelief that this was all happening, a sense of pride that I was here, an overwhelming welling of gratitude. By the time I sat down in my seat at commencement, my emotions caught up and I was really moved by the pomp and circumstance of this occasion. Graduation is a big deal because we make it so, and my feelings would not permit otherwise. How lucky, how fortunate, how wonderful it was for me to make it here. How supportive my company of family and friends. How thrilled I was to be sitting with my classmates. How nervous to walk on stage, how confused about what it means to be a doctor. The feelings kept on coming. In the end, I decided that writing about this over the last few posts was a way to try to capture something so effervescent and so precious.