When?

I know I've said this before, but I parse my life in four year chunks. At the conclusion of each four year partition, I am convinced that those last four years were the most pivotal and momentous of my life. This is no exception. To me, the last four years represent an intersection of passion and vocation. I love medicine. I love teaching. I love thinking of the important questions. I love floundering as I try to confront them. I love taking care of people. I love comforting people at the hardest moments of their life. I love numbers. I love being obsessive-compulsive. I love stories. How lucky am I, to have found this cliche of a profession, the kind where if you find a job you love, you don't have to work a single day in your life?

The last four years have also represented the transition from passive learning to active participation. Up until two years ago, school has been lecture and textbooks and multiple choice exams. But as I've entered the clinical realm, I've engaged and grappled with the realities of medicine which are messy, imperfect, and unclear. I've encountered death and dying, responsibility and challenge, and the fear of the unknown. This immersion into the day-to-day ups-and-downs has been a major change in my life in the last two years.

These last four years also involved the development of professional colleagues; though I love my college friends very much, it is my medical school friends who understand the actual experience of being on call or participating in a surgery or reasoning with a psychotic patient. These friendships I've built will blossom into support systems when I need them, advice when I need consultations, and role models in my professional life.

The four years have passed quickly. Perhaps a few rotations have moved like molasses, but as a whole, I am quite shocked and overwhelmed to be here already. Time is one of the most fascinating concepts in philosophy, and one that seems especially present now. Days move slowly (especially the ones that start at 5am), but years fly by. How could it be that tomorrow, I graduate? Just yesterday, I remember receiving my white coat.