Grief and Bereavement

I've always thought it odd that grief and bereavement have medical definitions. We've somehow medicalized the emotional response to loss of a close relationship and the psychological process through which we part with the deceased. A normal grief reaction, apparently, consists initially of numbness, shock, and disbelief. We go through the motions, taking care of funeral arrangements, greeting relatives and friends, and attending to financial matters. But we have not fully comprehended the reality of the death. In the few weeks after a passing, we feel shock, numbness, intense feelings of sadness, yearning for the deceased, anxiety for the future, disorganization, and emptiness. It may even be normal to have visual and auditory hallucinations of the deceased, despair, sleeplessness, appetite disturbances, agitation, chest tightness, exhaustion, and somatic complaints. Rumination on regrets, replaying the final moments, and remembering the relationship is all expected. It's hard to be with others. It's hard to be alone. Grief comes in waves, precipitated by reminders of the deceased, and the grief can be instant, overwhelming, and unexpected. Over months, the intensity of grief recedes. All this is from UpToDate, which also describes abnormal reactions, complicated or prolonged grief, and how to care for the bereaved.

Although I've been skeptical of how medicine can standardize a reaction to the death of a close family member or friend, after a recent passing, I've decided it's extraordinarily helpful. The emotions, reactions, and feelings that come on after a loss are unanticipated, new, immersive, and intense. They are so powerful that we wonder whether this is what happens or if we're over-reacting. We wonder if we're grieving too long, too short, too much, not enough. We wonder if we'll get over the numbness, the emptiness. We wonder if it's okay. We wonder if it will be okay.