The Year in Review II

I wonder how I have changed since coming to medical school. I think I've become a little more focused on my future career whereas before, I put distance between myself and profession, pursuing whatever fancied me at the moment. Now I move with direction, purpose, and discipline. I find myself reading a lot of medical nonfiction, putting aside books that can wait. I think a lot about what discipline I want to enter and what steps I might need to take to get there. Much of my concentration now revolves around medicine.

I'm not sure whether that's good or not. I yearn for more time to try other things, to write, to think, to explore, to read. Sometimes, I think I need a less serious, more casual outlook, to be able to take things in stride with spontaneity and creativity. I have to avoid being locked down by this paradigm of education which squeezes us through a press of memorization and attrition. We all came into medical school with our unique talents, perspectives, and goals. It would be a shame if we let them grind these aspects out of us.

I'm not sure how else I've changed, though I can mention how I would like to grow. I hope that I get sharper at doorway diagnosis, the ability to assess and read people just by looking at them and hearing them talk. I want to improve my ability to synthesize large amounts of information into a probabilistic differential. Medical school, I hope, will expand my perspectives and knowledge base, making me more aware of myself, my limitations, my strengths, and how I fit into this community of doctors and patients. I struggle to maintain humility as I find myself fitting into deeper and deeper niches. Lastly, I have a tendency to be passive in most situations; I need to coax myself out of my comfort zone to face challenges head on.